Monday, May 10, 2010

Accepting the things I can not change

Ok so I really had some awesome thoughts on Paul's thorn in the flesh and how God used Paul (faults, pain and all) to touch so many via The Bible. That will have to wait... I try to be the epitome of an open book in the hopes that something I think/purge out of my thoughts will bring Glory. I have found myself trying to remind myself (I know that sounded rough) who I am in God's eyes. I began therapy last week. I needed to clear the muck to see through to God. Today was my second session and I was reminded that I have to own many of the decisions that I made years ago that brought me to where I am today. Well, Duh! But by the same token having anger and hurt over those decisions is ok I just can not allow it to run my thought processes now. As I say that... I can't get out of my head... did you know that it takes 8 non sexual touches from a loved one (ie your husband) per day to make a woman to feel loved. Did you know that Adam and Eve had perfection and yet they felt imperfect, they were unhappy. How do we today in our imperfection allow ourselves to feel God's love when we are looking for love from a human perception? I don't have all the answers- but I learned today that I have to let out the dark in order to let in the light. It is not a simple task. But until I open myself up completely to be loved I can't love. I know that I jumped around in this post but something might have touched you... if so feel free to comment... if not trust me that I am no where near done... there will be many posts to come!

1 comment:

Angie said...

I appreciate so much your post-muck and all. We all struggle with our decisions just very few want to let others in, because of the fear of being judged. I still struggle with the pain my children go through, my dad's impending death and whether to stay at CHS or go elsewhere. Praying for you girl, we will both work through the muck.