Thursday, May 6, 2010

Paul's thorn in the flesh will have to take a back seat

So I have been thinking and have some serious thoughts that I would like to purge by way of blogging. I have heard through the grapevine that my blogging has been missed by my 4-5 dedicated readers : ) and I do have some thoughts to share... However, today is one of those days that I am ready to pull out what little hair that lady left on my head. 7 weeks ago I got a haircut and the woman cut it shorter than Jaime Lee Curtis' hair. Now, it is finally where I wanted it to be when I went in in the first place. (that was just so you guys could get an idea of how little is there and yet I am still ready to sacrifice it for my sanity). So this is the conversations that happen in my house- I will use K if it is a kid talking and M if it is me:

K: I want a popsicle (or popkeepull depending on who is talking)
M: No or not right now
2-3 min later there are children eating popsicles
M: I said no
K: But I wanted one

K: I want to paint
M: No or not right now
a few min later there is paint and paint brushes brought to me and begging begins so I figure maybe if I let them it will keep them busy long enough that I can get something done

I work they paint- they finish and while I am cleaning up they are destroying another area that I have just finished putting back together

K: Can so and so come in to play
M: no because the house is a mess and I don't want any other messes to clean up or people to correct
2-3 minutes later there are 2-4 other kids in the house and everyone wants a snack or a movie or both or to go get on the trampoline or to go upstairs and play video games or whatever

K: Can we go to mcdonalds
M: no we need to go home to eat
K: crying and whining and yelling begins

On an somewhat hourly basis I let out big gigantic sighs!

I am feeling like I want to back up a dumpster to the house and throw all of it out and I do mean all- the toys, games, clothes, dishes everything into that dumpster- I want to keep the books and just tell my children- you have one pair of pants one pair of shorts and 3 shirts- beyond that you need nothing else and the next person to speak after I speak will be severely beaten about the head and shoulders! Here is your food that I choose for you to eat and when you finish with it go throw your plate in the trash. I know I have issues when it comes to raising my children and I know it comes from not wanting them to have to go through what I went through as a child. But by the same token I think they just don't give a flying flip about me or what I say and there is certainly no respect whatsoever- so I chose to put myself into therapy. Monday was my first appointment. I want to better me so that I can better parent so that my kids know how to effectively parent and they don't look back and think "what were they thinking"! As I type this I have told my son to get off of something that he doesn't need to be on twice- the first with respect- the second with authority and the third time with a threat of a spanking shouted towards his direction. I think this whole love and logic is a crock of poo. Giving kids choices - gimmie a break. But then the other side of my heart and brain says how would Jesus parent- that is what I want to get to the bottom of... stay tuned - the thought processes are just beginning. In the meantime if you hear children wailing and a mommy yelling and carrying around a wooden spoon you can believe that this mommy has snapped and is ready to redirect some tiny heineys!


Chera said...

Ahhhh...and summer is just around the corner! :o) We all have our "bad days" with our kids and I have no doubt you are a wonderful mom. I admire you for taking the courage to step up to become even better for yourself and your family. Love you!!!

Stacia said...

Oh girl! I hear ya!!! That is exactly how my days go. Is the sound of my voice like a dog whistle? It can't be heard by my children. Hang in there. Either that or call for back up. :)

Josh, Kristin, Ethan and Isaiah said...

You are not alone...and it helps me to know that I am not alone. Sometimes (lately alot) I feel like the worst mother in the world. That I just can't figure out this mothering/disciplining thing and it kills me! I want so much to love my children like Jesus but it really is very hard sometimes. I admire you for taking the courage to better yourself for the benefit of your kids. I wish I had that courage...instead I just complain to my husband...and to God...which only makes me feel even worse. I love you and your wonderful blog!!