Sunday, December 13, 2009

A new day dawns

Being the parent of a special needs child brings with it struggles that few people see. My sweet Cooper is wired in a very different way than one would consider "normal". As we have learned more about him and as I have posted some on him in the past- he struggles from not only ADHD but also a condition called Sensory Integration Disorder. Basically it means that the imput his brain receives from the five senses do not necessarily go to the right place in his brain and get jumbled up and confused sometimes. He describes sounds of clothes-like if a shirt is rough and not soft he might say it is crunchy- this by the way is why you will never see him in a button down polo type long sleeve shirt with out a cotton shirt underneath (that is if he wears it at all). For a long time when he was younger he would only wear sweat pants-last summer he refused to wear shorts- he would only wear jeans. There is no accounting for how he will be as the day starts, but we do know that the more routine everything is the better and more organized his senses are. Structure and routine play a massive role in his life because he knows what to expect and he doesn't have to try and "change" those expectations because that requires all 5 senses to rearrange themselves. It is like putting a cup up to your mouth thinking you are about to take a sip of an ice cold freshly poured coke and instead getting a sip of luke warm water. Our mouths are shocked as are our senses and we may make a face and think- ooh that wasn't what I thought it was going to be but then it is over. For Cooper- not only is it not what he thought it would be but now he doesn't know what to do with that imput. He hasn't matured enough to find the coping mechanisms to help him work through his disappointed expectations and so he freaks out on the inside and often on the outside. We learned of Cooper's condition when he was just turning 4 and have made massive strides with him learning to cope through Occupational Therapy with follow up at home. He likes spinning and swinging and crashing into things because it gives his body a sense of organization- unlike our bodies that it would throw out of wack. Well, I say unlike ours except for I am wired in a very similar way- but I learned coping mechanisms to self soothe as I was growing up and now, I wiggle, or I ask Jeff to squeeze my feet or shoulders or beat on the middle of my back or whatever I feel I need to make me feel better- It feels like my skin is crawling when my senses are messed up and I am sure if it bugs me that Cooper being young feels it 10 fold. He will learn to cope but in the meantime, teaching him what to do, giving him words to say what he is struggling with or how he is feeling help. This past Saturday we left all 4 kids with our friend Doug so that we could do our "shopping"! Cooper has what we refer to as "one of those" days! It was the first in a very long time and boy was it a bad one. He had multiple meltdowns, was defiant, angry, loud, mean- everything. Doug was amazing! Jeff and I hurt for Cooper, for Doug and for the other kids. I don't think in all the time we've known about Cooper that he has ever been as bad as he was on Saturday and our sweet friend Doug just hung right with him! I called several times to check on him and Doug did have to call me twice (I think)- But God bless him- he was awesome! As I was holding Cooper and squeezing his feet while stroking his hair last night before he fell asleep- I asked him what I could do to help- He said, "mom, I had a really bad day today" "I hope Doug doesn't hate me"- "I'm sorry"- I love that his heart is made of gold and I can't wait for him to mature in this area- and he will. But, for now those days are some of the toughest we have. I know that God gave Cooper to me - I know he planned for me to be Cooper's mommy. I know I can feel how Cooper feels because I have been there. I looked forward to a new day dawning for him today knowing it would be sooo much better. And it has been- not one meltdown. He has be obedient, kind, sweet, sharing, loving- he has been amazing today. And I am thankful for days like this especially after days like yesterday. I am thankful for the days that are filled with moments of him learning how to use his coping skills that he has learned and days that his joy overflows instead of his frustration. I am thankful for friends like Doug who can see past Cooper's struggles and love him like crazy- I mean what babysitter after having such a rough time would stay another hour or so after just to talk and visit and still play with Cooper. I am thankful that God is in control and speaking loudly through others, through books, through the Bible to guide me ( and Jeff) as we parent Cooper! I am thankful for my "blog" so that I can confess what is bogging down my thoughts while at the same time allowing others who might have struggles to see that they are not alone. Today a new day dawned- with sunshine instead of rain, with warm instead of cool temps, and with a sweet precious little boy who feels balanced instead of one who can't make sense out of anything and is feeling out of control! I love new days like this as it reminds me of how God is with us each and ever time we ask for forgiveness. We feel or get "out of control" and our Father cleanses us and our new day dawns not once but continuously! Praise God!!!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

what are those words again?

Jingle Bells as sung by my sweet Cooper:

Dashing through the snow
in a one horse offen sleigh
over the hills we go
laughing all the way
bells on bobtails ring
making spirits right
what fun it is to sing and ride
the sleighers always high

oh jingle bells jingle bells
jingle on the way
oh what fun it is to right
its a one and open sleigh hey
jingle bells jingle bells
jingle on the way
oh what fun it is to right
in a one and open sleigh!

Don't you just love it! He wants me to write out the words so all the kids can sing on the bus like they did when he was in Kinder. He said they sang the baby song. I asked, "rock a bye baby?" "No mom, you know the rock you song" "we will we will rock you"!

Oh man it was so so very hard not to laugh! Thank you, God for making me Cooper's mommy!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Update

I don't know how much weight I have lost if any at all, but I know I have not been hungry. I mean I really have not been hungry! I have had to look at the clock and think- I should probably eat something because I don't want to throw my body into starvation mode and slow my metabolism down even more. I have been able to make rational decisions on what to eat and when and have avoided binge eating. I have also stopped eating after the kids go to bed for stress comfort- which is huge for me. I haven't felt as stressed because I have had energy to get stuff done- which is nice. There have been a few sides effects- it is harder for me to get back to sleep when I wake up in the middle of the night and because my energy level is up, I have been working around the house nonstop which has made my back hurt a little. I think my body might be a little shocked that I am so busy and can find so many things for it to do : ) All in all my experience has been good but then it hasn't been quite a week yet. I found myself feeling a great deal of frustration the other day because I couldn't think of anyone that I know that is on any type of daily medication. I mean any of my friends. I allowed myself to wrestle with feelings of insecurity for about a half a day. I pondered about how my life has changed over the course of the last few years as I struggled with depression and decided that I would so much rather be taking care of myself (even if it means taking medicine) to better myself to be a better wife, mother and friend than struggle with others possible judgement of me. So I take a stand for all who need meds- " my name is Kayren and I take medicine." If you know of anyone out there who is struggling with using meds to keep balance, please feel free to give them my name or share with them my email address. I would be more than happy to help/talk/whatever they need.

Monday, December 7, 2009

I need a tape recorder

I would like to invent a tape recorder that is small enough to fit into a cute little wrist watch. With that tape recorder mom's could record themselves saying things like: please stop, pick that up, don't touch that, stop talking please, don't eat that, stop hitting your brother, put your shoes on, get in the car... the list could go on and on. Then when the time was right - you could push a button and the watch would say it over and over and over until the kids got tired of hearing it and would just do what they are supposed to do. Then you could say something one time and they would do it and if they didn't you could threaten to "use the watch". I wonder if that would keep my mind more clear during the day. I wonder if it would help my mental stability when I am trying to get the house picked up. BTW if they do come out with this invention- I would love it as a Christmas present : )

Friday, December 4, 2009

So far So good

What happens when you take meds to help balance out the chemicals that your body has a shortage of? Well I thought since I had to be on this Adipex medicine for 4 months I would blog every little bit about it and kind of keep track of how it is working- I go back to the dr. in 6 weeks to check and see, but since my brain tends to hold too much in it - I don't want to forget some things so I may post about them. First of all let me say after further investigation of the Cymbalta (anti-depressant) that I am on and further investigation of the Adipex- here is what I learned: Cymbalta is also prescribed for fibromyalgia ( a disease that I still have a frustration about - again another post). Adipex was originally designed to work with individuals with depression tendencies brought on by ADHD- yep you read it- Cooper is a product of his mommy and while I always suspected I had ADHD I have never been diagnosed. So, I took it yesterday and wow- what a buzz! I was not expecting to feel like I was on a natural high- not like in lala medicine land but in the "I can accomplish much today" high. I realized for the first time I could see the individual things (piles) that needed to be tackled instead of seeing one giant overwhelming mess and I was able to think clearly about prioritizing. Not to mention the fact that I was not tired- I never had to sit down with the thought in my head, "I just need to sit down for a minute." Typically I can go for about 30-45 min before I have to take a break. Yesterday I was just blowin' and goin'. It was wonderful to finish a load of laundry from start to finish (putting them away) and not think- "oh, I don't want to go all the way upstairs to put these away- I will just leave them in the basket at the bottom of the steps." As far as eating- I wasn't hungry... at all... not until about 8 when it wore off- I ate a little snack in the morning and a small lunch and a small snack around 4, but overall it was more of an eat because I need to and not because I wanted to taste something in my mouth. I knew for the sake of my body I needed to eat but because I didn't have that craving food-where is it where is it- feeling I was able to make good choices about what I was putting in. I wonder if this is what it feels like to be a person who eats to live and not lives to eat. If so, no wonder people lose weight... energy to exercise, stabilizing your desire to eat so healthy choices are made and not irrational ones. So far so good I guess- as far as today- I am sitting posting this eating my lunch and feel the same as yesterday- not quite as buzzed (which is a bummer lol) but still feeling energetic and focused.

On a different note - I gave Cooper an old pair of gloves this morning at his teachers request (just in case it snowed) and he was soo very thrilled- who knew a pair of black stretchy gloves from the dollar spot at a certain red targeted retail store would mean so much to a six year old. He hugged me at least 3 times before he left and then hollered, "thanks again for the gloves mom" over his shoulder as he ran down the sidewalk to get into Jeff's car. That kid is too much!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Fat and Healthy (or should it be happy?)

Note to my blog readers: As with my life, I feel like this blog is my way of showing that in no way am I perfect and my life can be used to help others feel like they are not alone- with that in mind- I give you the report of yesterday's well check up for me and how I feel about it.

After being under the care of an OB/GYN since 99 I decided that it was time to go to a "big girl doctor" if you will for an overall checkup and begin being under the care of that doctor. I don't get sick very often and when I do I have just been going to a walk in clinic close to my house. If I was pregnant or nursing I would just call my OB and he would take care of any meds that I needed. Since I am done with the whole "having kids" thing- It was time to establish myself in the care of an internal meds dr. So last week I had my blood work done and yesterday went in for an overall checkup. I had seen a few months ago (while watching one of the morning news shows) that while there are overweight people all over the place- just because one is overweight does not mean that one is necessarily unhealthy. Case in point- my labs were great- blood pressure- great, cholesterol-great, hormones-great-(in fact he could tell that I was about to "drop an egg" -his words not mine- so Jeff will be far far far away from me for a few days-thank you)-heart rate-great. As a matter of fact overall I am way healthy- the only thing was when I stepped on the scales I had never ever ever ever seen it go up that high! I looked at the nurse with what must have been a wide eyed crazed look and said in a very loud voice "there is no way this could be right!?" She responded with a -well, I know others have said that they were a little heavy but not more than a few pounds- she said when you weigh at home aren't you usually naked or close to it? Umm no, I don't have scales here at home- I choose not to weigh and go by how my clothes were fitting. The last time I weighed was in Oct. at the gym before my 60 mile walk and I weighed the same that I did for the last 8 months or so. But this stupid, yucky, stinky dr scale said I weighed almost 200 pounds!!!! Yes you read that right and I am not going to beat around the bush about it- 200 friends- on a 5'4" frame. The most I weighed at my biggest pregnancy was 179- of course I threw up so much that I weighed less after delivery then I did before getting preggers but that's a whole other post. So there I stood bewildered and then I wanted to slap the words right out of the air and back into her mouth when she said, "that qualifies you for medicational weight loss help"- ie you are obese want some meds for that fat girl- I mean really- when did I become obese and why am I 40 years old and just took my first pill for weight loss?! I did I took the fat girl Rx and had it filled and took my first one this morning. How did it go down (the conversation and the decision to take the Rx)- well basically I have cut way back on eating fast foods, cut way back on sodas and have been eating salads and home cooked meals for several months now (ok 2) but I was also exercising and getting ready to walk the breast cancer 3 day. So how does many miles of walking, water, and better eating not translate into weight loss- stress combined with sludge like metabolism that is how. Apparently I am one of the lucky ones who's metabolic rate has slowed down to a sludge like rate in order to protect my ability to perform day to day life without losing my mind. Hmmmm really? I mean seriously - really? So this medicine basically works like speed for your metabolic rate and everyone loses weight on it- everyone he said- is it safe? If taken correctly and under a dr. care yes- I have read up on it- I will continue with my better eating and all but it is actually one that works with my cymblata too. So I am basically a large, crazy person who's meds are working together to give me an energy boost so that I can spend better quality time with my family and friends. We will see! Last night I spent a good bit of the evening battling with the God side of it all- If I am healthy (and I am) and if God made me - then why am I trying to change it? For the good of what others want to see- I mean I have many many skinny friends - and don't even get me started on my in laws (Babcocks are not known for their girth) so I am the largest in the Babcock family! How does one learn to be happy with who one is/ with what God created when everyone around you is smaller than you- and is putting a chemical in your body- to stimulate your brain to make you a better person mocking God- I mean I don't question the Cymbalta (anti-depressant that I really must have) and we give Cooper adhd meds because he is wired chemically different as well. But is it the right thing to do? All in all I had a hard time sleeping last night thinking about it and wondering if God would be pleased that I am trying to take better care of myself or does he get frustrated with our lack of self esteem and comparing ourselves to others. Just some thoughts- I know long thoughts but thoughts nevertheless. I find myself repeating this morning in my head "stupid scales, stupid 40, stupid fat girl meds" and yet laughing that my overall health was awesome! I guess we are really fearfully and wonderfully made right?!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Black Friday

I don't necessarily make it a tradition to get up and go out on Black Friday, although Jeff and I have done it in the past sometimes. This year my friend, Laurin, asked if I wanted to meet her for some shopping and since Jeff had no particular interest and the kids would be sleeping, I figured - why not! I was in my car at 4:30am and excited about Christmas shopping. Just the idea of the hustle and bustle is fun for me, coupled with Christmas music and a good cup of coffee-Love it! I got to W*lmart at 4:40 and there were no parking places left so I parked in an adjoining lot and walked in and the people I came in with were in great moods - laughing, talking, smiling, until we hit the door and then I noticed an eerie silence (as if it was time to get down to business). By the time I got there all the carts were gone. Oh my goodness- I have never been at W*lmart as it opened for Black Friday or any other place for that matter and I was met by an awesome sight- the entire middle of the store was roped off and there were lines all over the place. There were checkers at every stand but no lights were on. In fact there was only one checker open and I bought a Dr. Pepper and proceeded to go stand in a line. The man on the speaker came on a few times to direct people where to pick up holding tickets for certain items. Once you got your ticket you went to stand in that line, and you could only get that item if you had a ticket. If the tickets were gone then the items were gone. I guess that was a really great way to prevent total pandemonium. As the minutes ticked by I noticed that people were no longer in lines they began to group in. It didn't matter if I had been standing there for 20 min if there was a place to squeeze a body in - someone squeezed in. As they began to cut off the plastic from the pallets in the aisle the announcer came on the speaker and asked for there to be no shoving or pushing and to please walk when the ropes were cut. Since I had no agenda, I felt like I was in good shape to just wonder and if I saw a really good deal ok, maybe I would pick it up. The ropes went down and I am not kidding it took me 20 min to get to the back of the store. I saw a whole pallet of something already gone and overheard 2 women who were together but had come from different areas exclaim - "I can't believe they are already gone!" The store had been open for only 10 mins by the time I got to that area. When I arrived at the back - they rolled out a pallet portable DVD players- I didn't know the price but knew it would be nice to have one for the trip at Christmas, so, I picked one up as the plastic fell to the floor. I came back by that pallet 5 min later and it was completely gone- there was something new in it's place. I did find a cart in the toy section that had been abandoned so I was able to get one and by this time had 3 things in it. I have to say it was much easier to shop without it because there was very little kindness when it came to "traffic shopping laws". I must have pushed that cart around with my mouth dropped open because I was appalled at the lack of kindness and the amount of not just rude but blatant disregard for human beings all for the sport of saving the almighty dollar. I've decided that Black Friday at a place like that should be for people who only make a certain amount of money per year and that if you can't show proof of how little you make, then you can't come in until the doorbuster sales are over. That was just one of the thoughts that came into my head as I was standing there waiting to get my cart out into an aisle. If you know me at all, you know I am a people watcher and so I had no problem at all being patient and kind until a man who could see that I was stuck between a pallet and an endcap (the wheel to the cart was stuck) and I was having a hard time getting my cart through, decided to try and squeeze between my cart and the endcap without helping me get unstuck. He could have gone around on the other side of the pallet (although it was somewhat blocked on that side as well). He could have turned and gone down the aisle and gone around and come down the aisle that was behind me. But, NO, he decided he would try to squeeze through my stuck cart and the empty shelves on the end of the aisle. A moment took over me and I said as I touched him on the arm, " Umm sir I would be more than happy to let you go by if you would help me get my cart unstuck." He stopped and looked at me like I was crazy but did go back around and give the pallet a push. That was all it took. I was free! I had to shout thank you to the back of his head- talk about a man on a mission! Waiting in line was pretty much uneventful because I was in the 10 items or less lane. There was a lady in front of me that was a talker and that was nice. She has a tradition of shopping every Black Friday and when I commented about the lady who passed with 2 carts full of toys and asked how that was possible, she said that that lady was the cart woman and she probably had a team of 3 other women or men and each had a list of what they were responsible for grabbing and when their arms were full they would meet at the cart drop off their stuff and go back for more! Ahh, the man on the mission : ) All in all in was an awesome experience and I think next year I would love to have a shopping possy. I won't even ask to be the cart girl- I'll get out there and grab with the best of them! Any takers? As I end this very long post, my favorite quote from yesterday comes to mind. A lady on the phone was overheard saying, "THIS is why I never shop @ W*lmart, it is just chaos!" The lady to the right of me just behind my shoulder started laughing at the same time I did and asked me if I thought she knew it was Black Friday? DUH!!!!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Can you still hear the bell ring?

I love the whole Christmas season- I mean I love love love it all!! The decor, the music, the gift shopping and giving, the movies, the whole idea of the magic of Santa. My kids believe in Santa and I love that. There are several of his friends who have been talking to him... and when he asked the other day I referred to the movie "The Polar Express"- I asked if he could still hear the bells- he said, "yes"- He then promptly went to school and told the kids that if they could hear the bells ring then the Spirit of Christmas was still alive and well-hmmm right out of my mouth- I like that he won't let others tell him what to believe- I hope he keeps that with him forever- I like that he didn't just take a friend's word for something, but came to me instead- I hope he keeps that with him forever too. Tonight we got out the Christmas deocr and the kids worked together despite their little sister's efforts to destroy things and the tree is perfect! Not in the sense that it looks like the ones in the stores but it looks like a mommy and daddy enjoyed watching their kids creative freedom and enjoyed watching them work together. Jaxon must have said thank you a least a dozen times after we got it all up and turned out the lights. As I was putting on his night time diaper- he said thank you again and this time said, "thank you, mommy, for the Christmas tree you let me build". Too Cute - that boy! We watched "Polar Express" twice while we worked. Cooper seemed a little sad towards the end and when I asked him why - he said that he just loved that movie so much that it made him love Christmas so much. He is my little deep thinker! So I end today and do as I have done at the end of many days, doing as Mary did with Jesus and treasuring all these things in my heart!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Friday, November 20, 2009

Is that an elephant in the room?

As the holidays approach I am thinking a lot about families... specifically families that try to make it all work right when there are issues that stand in the way. These families put things aside "for the sake of the holidays" and try to make it all look good and work right when deep down there are issues that could clear the air and allow these families to make a new fresh start and bond them together again. In essence the giant elephant in the room is ignored so that "tradition" can take on a role and the actors (ie family members) create more issues instead of just finding a way to come to grips and get rid of the elephant. I speak from experience of course but also have friends and acquaintances who struggle with this particular state of affairs. Several years ago, my family was in this position as we dealt with some pretty serious issues in my family. I remember getting the kids settled in with entertainment and sitting down in the living room with all the adults in the family and airing out what needed to be aired. It took some time and not everything was solved that day and it certainly not what I would call the perfect family holiday get together, however, it brought some of us closer together for having been there. This time last year, Jeff and I found ourselves in unchartered waters and we were trying to keep our heads above water and smile and make it all "look good". After much soul searching and a brief conversation with a friend and his wife- we took the opportunity to out the elephant in our marriage at an extensive weekend marriage conference. It was intense and it was expensive but it was totally worth it. As the holidays approach this year things are very very different. I am thankful that God grace covers our mistakes and places people in our lives to help see us through when the going looks impossible from the inside but we are not willing to let others see that. I pray that God will lead people to these struggling families and see them through to peace as he did ours this last year!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

A glitch

Ok so there is a glitch in the whole potty training thing- everything is fine if he is naked- no accidents or anything- he will go to the potty for pee and poop- no fear, no nothing. However, if he has undies or pants or anything at all on - then he doesn't go- he has accidents. Not all the time but during the late afternoon and early evening- as if his brain is too tired to remember that he is not wearing a diaper- can you say wearing thin on mommy? So here is my delima- I will be driving home with the kids alone to Nashville the week of Christmas- do I hold off and wait knowing that the excitement of being at my parents with cousins and friends etc... will set us back and don't even get me started on the 16 hours of driving there and then 16 hours back OR do I wait and concentrate after the new year? Any thoughts out there?

Friday, November 13, 2009

Potty Training

I have been pretty laid back when it came to potty training with my kids. I have followed pretty much the advice of my pediatrician gave me with Mason - "when he is ready he will let you know and you won't have any problems" along with advice about paci's and blankets came the advice that they will not go to kinder with a diaper and will not go to college with the other two things she has been very good about encouraging just to let all things just work when the time is right. So, with Mason, the summer before he turned 4 he said one day that he wanted to wear big boy undies and I let him and after the 5th accident that day I told him I thought we should wait a week or two. Along with that comment came the discussion of we didn't want to make a mess in our undies on the pictures that were on there. About 3 weeks later he said he wanted to try again and we never had a problem after that. I don't remember having any accidents. Now, he was still wearing night time help, but that is a whole other story. Anyway for us it was easy squeesy. Fast forward to Cooper at 3 almost 4 - showing interest but not really ready, unfortunately I started back to work just before he turned 4 and the preschool said, he had to learn- it took about 2 weeks total because he was almost ready- he surpassed the kids that were in the class because he was almost ready and there were very few problems with him as well. It hasn't been as smooth with him because he tends to be one of those who waits till the last minute but as far as the teaching part - not to bad. Fast forward until now- Jaxon turned 4 on Oct. 17th and despite many encouraging comments on getting him out of diapers and off the paci - I continue to remain faithful to our pediatrician's wisdom. Yesterday he spent half the day in his undies and we even went to the grocery store in them. I asked him yesterday if he wanted to wear them and he said yes. The few other times I had asked he had said no. Today is day two and he has been in the the whole morning with no problems. It will be great to have only 1 in diapers when all is said and done! I am very proud of Jaxon and we have done many potty dances around these parts over the last 24 hours. A big thank you to cousin Henry for his encouragement this weekend in going to the potty at MarMar and Poppy's house. Jaxon said,"it was magical!" I guess it was time for Jaxon to become magical as well. "Potty on!"

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I'm Back and almost into the swing of things again

While it will take me awhile to decompress and be able to post about this year- it is good to be back and back into the swing of everyday life. As I write this the kids are eating dinner and watching tv and I am sitting in front of my computer eating and catching up on emails - clearing out the trash etc... I signed up to teach ladies Bible class before I left and taught this morning and have no idea what I said really or if anything came out of it but it was good to write the lesson and allow God to speak through me- I did not at all stick to my notes and went way over the time limit but in the end I was reminded that we cannot appreciate the highs unless there are lows, we cannot know what it is like to walk on mountaintops if there are no valleys, we cannot sore like eagles unless we know what it is like to be down at the lowest point and rise through the provision from God to bring good from the bad that is in this world. Bad things happen to good and bad people- but those of us who love God have perspective to see through the dirt and find and are thankful for the fresh and clean when it comes back around. I am thankful for only 3 blisters after 60 miles but I am more thankful that I was able to hear and share stories of hard times and victories with many- again it is close to the end of the day and I find myself so thankful to serve our Awesome God!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

These Shoes were made for walking...

just you wait and see one of these days these shoes are gonna walk all over you... I don't know who sang that song and I know I know it's not shoes it's boots but it has been running through my head all night! As I leave I want to say thank you thank you thank you to all of you who had encouraging words, thoughts, actions, monetary gifts, prayers etc... I am surrounded by a great group of cheerleaders. I ask that you pray for safety for all involved and that God be Glorified!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Last day to get prepared

So this is it- the day before I leave and my brain is full of lists- my packing list, the kids packing list, grocery list etc... I don't feel stressed out too much I am resigned to imperfection but things being better than they were. I am excited to have some time in the car to sing loud with the windows down and use the time to praise God for his goodness- I went yesterday and bought 3 new praise CD's - Today I need to get my car packed and decorated!!! Be looking for quick blog or FB updates while I am gone if you want! Be sure and Check you Chi Chi's (it is the first of the month), massage your melons, survey second base, knead you knockers- whatever phrase you have coined- you are your boobs best first defense. I am crazy- 60 miles or "BUST"!!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

A kid at Christmas

I feel like a kid at Christmas time- 2 days 2 days 2 days!!!!! AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH- Kara that was for you : )

Monday, November 2, 2009

T- minus 3 days again

I don't know what I did but the previous lack of post posted was just a tiny example of how things are going as I prepare to leave for the 3 day walk. I find myself in a very stressful place- perfection is desired but I know unattainable and so why do I stress? Why do I feel it necessary to have my house in a state of perfection (or as close to it) as I leave? Why do I feel it necessary to have all clothes clean before I pack the Jaxon and Zoe in order to take their stuff to Mar Mar and Poppy's house? Why do I feel it necessary to make sure that my room and bathroom and closet for that matter are nice and tidy? Why is it necessary for all the boys to have their clothes perfectly put away with clean sheets on their beds and groceries in the house ready for them to eat their favorites- why do I feel myself getting sick when I think about getting in the car and not having everything done. Why do we as mother's put ourselves in the position to make sure everything is perfect? Or is it just me? Is it so I can mentally let go of this part of my life so that I can be all that I can be on the 3 day? Maybe! Or is it the foothold that Satan needed to get under my skin and grab hold of the insecurities and time that have played a role in my life for so long. As I have been putting together my lesson that I will be teaching next Tuesday at Ladies Bible Class I have found myself more and more aware of how Satan has a way of grabbing a hold and not letting go! So much so that last Thursday I spent the day in bed sleeping because of the meds that I had to take to stop puking. Yes, I had worried myself into sick- no one else got sick and I didn't eat anything unusual- and then yesterday I found myself panicked again and ended up with the beginnings of a migrane - I nursed that bad boy headache for most of the day until I forced myself to go to the grocery store and get the things needed in the house for the week. On the way home I was pondering on my lesson again and thinking about what we had talked about in class just that morning. How we are to rejoice during the hard times, how things come along in our lives and blow us off our path- because it is narrow and winding not straight and easy. I have yet to jump up and down and clap for joy and smile when facing adverse conditions. I am human - but what I am learning is that it is all about perspective- I am being refined- I am being refined- you see, we never were promised easy but we were promised to not be left alone! And as my mind said this I said it out loud in the car. Yes, I do that sometimes and then I said, "God you can see me, you can hear me, you can see my insides- I need peace, I need perspective, I need... I don't know. I listen to K-Love all the time, all the time- my radio may be stuck on that station actually. And then as with all the other times before a song came on the radio and it was just the right one at the right time! Mark Shultz "Remember Me"- basically remember Me because I remember you all day every day- and then peace! No headache, no stomach ache, no worry, no stress- joy- Joy in the middle of trial- joy in the middle of a messy house with too much laundry both dirty and clean not in the right place, with dirty dishes in the sink, with children not wanting to go to bed, with a husband who was stressed about work and needing to leave early in the morning so that I was the parent getting everyone ready and out the door. Joy that I am remembered- peace that Satan does not have the foothold that he thought because the Holy Spirit dwells in me and reminds me that we were never promised ease but we were promised peace- I love my God- I will do what I can to get ready to leave in 3 days- by using my excitement and turning it into energy to get done as much as possible and then know that it will all be ok- because God will use this time and glory will be to HIm! What an awesome God we serve!

T-minus 3 days and counting

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

One of those nights

No not the lost and lonely ones nights, nor was it one of those where I was the pretty mamma, I might have caught a glimpse of the daughter of the devil but she was not dressed in white- she was in halloween pj's- Eagles fans will be singing all day now!

Anyhoo last night was one of those nights where after the first 2 hours of peaceful sleep, it was a downhill, yucky, noisy night. Can't even begin to tell you how many times I have used the backspace button already during this post. I have resorted to typing with my eyes closed because I make fewer mistakes that way. I had a great typing teacher in HS! So- I woke at 12:30 after falling asleep before 9:00 because I was having a really funky bad dream about having a bad experience and not being able to rely on a boss who couldn't be found and sent all the daycare kids and parents to my house when I had just gotten home from having a baby- yikes- so then I was up- took a hot bath to try and settle again, ate a little snack (sandwich) and then fell asleep for 45 min before waking to the sound of Zoe- Zoe was up at 2:00 and didn't go back to sleep until 6:15ish. Jeff got up at 4:00 and took over while trying to get some emails cleaned out from work but in my sleep I could hear Zoe crying and kept trying to find the baby in my dream that was crying in the middle of me trying to teach my middle school science class. Back up at 5:00 to try and settle Zoe so Jeff could get some work done. I gave her a chewable motrin type tablet and put ear drops in her ears and she settled after about 45 mins but then Cooper got up at 5:45. When he and Jeff went up to get ready for the day- Jeff took Zoe up and she finally fell asleep again! I dozed on the couch for about 25 mins with no dreaming and then it was time to me mommy and wife- Wow! Find the IV and get me some coffee. It is one of those days when I am so so so so very grateful that I am able to stay at home now- both for my sake and for Zoe's- Thank you God! (only 4 1/2 more hours till naptime)

Monday, October 26, 2009

'Member when you were little

Remember when you were little and Christmas took for-ev-er to get here. That is how I am feeling about the 3Day. I know that I need the time to get everything under control but wow I am soo excited and ready to get going. I keep whispering to myself... Be still, Be still, Be still- then I say out loud- now get up and get some more laundry done! Am I the only one who talks to themselves hmmm...

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Silpada Jewelry

Last night my friend Roxane brought over her jewelry from Silpada designs and it was beautiful!!!!!!! I love the way these home parties are done. The representative comes in (Roxane) and puts out all her jewelry and then we visit, try on jewelry, and eat and try on jewelry, and talk, and try on... Did I mention that you get to try on the jewelry?! She had sooo much beautiful bling. I know last night was probably not the best night to have this event- especially since not so many showed up- but I plan on having her over again some where around the first of DEC. You won't want to miss it! I do have 2 catalogs and some order forms if anyone wants to preview before the next party - Currently I am wearing the piece I purchased last night- a fresh water pearl ring (princess type cut) sitting on top of a sterling silver base that is made of little small circles - the band is curved for comfort fit! Love it love it love it! Be looking for the invitation to the next showcase- no formal sit down talking thing- just a big showcase of beautiful sterling silver jewelry.

Friday, October 23, 2009

2 weeks

It is only two weeks away until my teammates and I begin our walk. I am starting to get those nervous, excited butterflies in my stomach. You know the ones that kept you up as a kid before the first day of school? Or the ones you had the night before a first date with a guy you really really liked? Or for me the night before I got married. No I am not equating this to my wedding day necessarily but I remember as the days grew closer I got more anxious that I wanted all to go well. I wanted the weather to be great- I wanted all to go smoothly-I find myself praying harder than ever before that lives will be touched and God will be glorified through this event. I find myself begging God to allow the researchers to find a cure- to isolate the gene or whatever it is that causes this horrific disease that someone is diagnosed with every 3 minutes. As the time draws near I ask that you be in prayer with me for the safety of all who are traveling to Dallas, for our feet to be healthy as we walk (specifically no blisters), for us to be uplifting to those around us, and for God to be glorified! I want to thank all of you who were in a position to give monetarily this year and to those who weren't I know you will be thinking about us and praying over us! I thank you in advance for those prayers- I will walk with my head held high and with spring in my steps knowing that my blog readers are supporting this passion of mine!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Radical Obedience

We have been talking at Ladies Bible Class about radical obedience. That is to say obedience that seems a little out there in your own mind compared to what you believe God is calling you to do. It has brought me once again to a moment of why am I staying at home when I could be making a little more money and we really could use it. It seems lately the money coming in is barely enough to cover- some months not so much. We have been saying for months that our finances need a makeover but also understand the need for our family for me to be home when the kids get home from school and not dragging them to work with me (even though that was our option). But the meltdowns from Cooper and the toll that it was taking on the house and the fact that it was not that much a month anyway led us to think that God was trying to remind us to take a leap of faith and let him show us how he could provide. Being radically obedient is not easy and can be a bit painful- and I know that Satan when given the chance will play his favorite trump card (doubt) into our lives. So for today my mantra is God will provide, God will provide, God will provide! Thoughts? Comments? Feel free to leave them.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Mail Call

In the old days when snail mail was an art form of communication, there was a time of day that all soldiers looked forward to no matter where they were stationed. They would hear someone yell, "mail call" and wait with baited breath to hear if their name would be called - maybe a letter from their mom, or a friend, or hopefully their significant other. You know it made their day to hear their name called. The people at the Breast Cancer 3 Day have created an awesome thing for the walkers there in order for us to get a little pep in our step if you will at the end of the day. You can send mail to us. Last year my tent mate got some pictures that her daughter and her daughters friends had drawn. It was a wonderful surprise for her to get and they made a great addition to the inside of our tent : ). Here is a copy of the post from our Team Captain that is on the teamtiara website (teamtiara.net):

There’s nothing like a letter from a loved one to inspire you to keep going. If you’d like to write a letter to a 3-Day walker, it will be waiting in Camp at the end of the first day.

Send letters to:
Breast Cancer 3-Day Post Office
ATTN: INSERT NAME OF PARTICIPANT
P.O. Box 126496
Benbrook, TX 76126

Envelopes only, please. No boxes or large packages. Mail must be postmarked no later than October 27th in order to ensure delivery. Any mail that is not retrieved by the participant by November 20th will be destroyed.

If the mood strikes you this week- I would love to hear from you while I am at the 3 day!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

4 years ago today



It is hard to believe that 4 years ago today I gave birth to a sweet, crazy, wild man named Jaxon. After 5 days in the hospital on yucky medicine trying to get me to 33 weeks pregnant, he was determined to make his entrance - so they turned off the medicine and let me shower as they waited for a bed to open up in L&D. I had a visit from the Tart family- just to say hi! And then my friend Shannon came over after she dropped off Anna at preschool. She stayed and we talked and laughed and all the while I was contracting but the pain didn't seem too bad- I only had to stop a few times and say ow. By the time they moved me over to L&D I was a 6. My doctor, knowing that I didn't care for the whole natural thing said, "nobody touch her get the anesthesiologist in her right now and I will be right back." He actually made it back into the room before I could get my epidural chewing and coughing- turns out he was cramming his sandwich down- lol. He stayed in the room for the rest of the time after that. Never left our bedside. He laughed and talked with Jeff until I got numb and then I went 7-10 in no time and then Jaxon!!! He still has the same face when he cries : ) Here are 4 things I love about this squishy, snugglie, cutie patootie, who can be quite the annoyance to his big brothers:

1. He loves to snuggle at anytime (bedtime, naptime, playtime whatever)
2. He tells me I am bootiful and dat I am dee best mommy ever ( every day )
3. He loves to play chase with Zoe
4. He loves to play on the computer and can find his websites and maneuver them like no 4 year old should be able to do.

Happy birthday crazy boy! Mommy loves you!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

I will carry my flag with pride for this face!


Today I got a very exciting phone call from one of the ladies at the Breast Cancer 3 Day. She asked if I would be interested in carrying a flag at opening ceremony!!!! Are you kidding of course I will! What an honor! What a great way to show my respect, love, excitement for all those survivors that will be there as well as represent my team. The flags have words written on them like: mother, daughter, sister, friend, partner, wife, grandmother etc. If you watch a little of the video that is attached in the post from the other day you will be able to see some of the flags. Our Captain and my good friend D'lyn Biggs carried one last year and it was so cool to see her up there on stage as the sun came up behind her - it is a picture that I have etched into my brain that I won't soon forget. I was so proud of her for her story- for her journey in losing her mom and getting this group of women (and 1 man- this year 2 men) to bond together over a cure- she is a great cheerleader for us and I love seeing the emails called Whoo-Hoos! D I follow proudly in your footsteps and I will carry that flag with my head held high. Thank you for introducing me to this awesome event! To my team mates- thank you for your encouragement, for your never ending fund raising and for your excitement as each of us reach our goals. To my friends and family- thank you for your support- with out you I wouldn't be able to participate in this event that has become such a passion for me! Only 22 more days to go- Bring it on!!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

My cup runneth over

What a day today has been! I'm not even sure I know where to begin. I am sure that ALL Glory and Praise to God for this day. A little background: Over the last 10 years... I did not volunteer to do much in the service department when it came to church. I signed up to volunteer once for one thing and many of my ideas were shot down, I decided that would be the last time I would sign up for anything. Don't get me wrong - I taught many classes, from cradle roll to the Wednesday night Ladies Bible Class. That didn't feel like serving though because I enjoy teaching and because it is something that comes easily to me. But, when it came to volunteering to do things - I just didn't. I didn't step outside of many of my comfort zones because I allowed a large cup of bitterness to fill me. Bitterness over hurt feelings, bitterness over marital struggles, bitterness over judgements that were made that weren't true but never clarified. Don't get me wrong - I wasn't in one of those "why me" states of mind for that many years- I just wasn't serving the way I had been taught to do. I knew I was blessed but I wasn't living like it. When Jeff and I made the decision to change churches - I made a promise to God that I would serve heart and soul. Fast forward to September when I made a conscience decision to go to Ladies Bible Class. Because I worked, I had not gone to Bible Class in the past- the one time I could have attended, I chose to work in the nursery and earn a little money so that I didn't have to be in the class itself. A serving role yes, but also a role of avoidance. So, I was now a member of Ladies Bible Class. I signed up to do a breakfast one morning in Oct. (That would be this morning) Little did I know the impact that decision would have on my day today. I consider myself to be very creative in the kitchen- I can cook and I am good at it (I think) - so the food was not a problem. But I do not have a crafty bone in my body and so the cutesy little things that people normally come up with to set a cute table was not something that I thought I could do. However, with my passion for the Breast Cancer 3 Day- I do have an enormous collection of fun pink boas and rose petals and tiaras. (teamtiara.net) So I decided that in honor of Breast Cancer awareness month I would go pink. So I did- Jeff carved an awareness ribbon into a pumpkin and I painted it pink (Thanks D for the idea) and I went all out. Then I took a leap of faith. As I was getting help setting up I asked if I could have a moment at the end to plead my case for the 3 day. The answer, "Yes". I prayed that God would give me words. He did. Through tears I spoke of my passion for this cause- I spoke of my Grandmother a 45 year survivor, I spoke of Sue, the reason for our team being together, I spoke of Zoe- the reason I walk- so that breast cancer will be gone before she gets boobies! My friends- God is so good- that group of ladies didn't bat an eye when I asked for help with my fund raising- they gave just over $200.00. This morning I needed $1000.00 to meet my requirement of $2300.00- now not so much! But it wasn't about the money- we are studying a book called "What Happens When Women Say Yes To God". I can tell you- our lives are blessed. At lunch then I was asked how Jeff and I got together and I was given the opportunity to tell "my story". The story that proves that I am standing in the palm of God's hands as he moves me through different phases of my life and carries me through each one of them as He promises. And not only that He is glorified in each situation as I allow Him to carry me. Man- what a day! My cup runneth over with the goodness of God! Thank you to all who blessed my life today!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Here paci, paci, paci

No we are not calling a new animal - we are always on the hunt for one in our house these days. Mason gave his up at 4 1/2. I remember fondly him walking down the aisle at Aunt Jenni's wedding with his paci in his mouth- his blankie in his hand and Poppy carried the ring pillow : ) To say that they have been an important part of our world would be an understatement. Currently Jaxon still has his and his blankie and while Zoe doesn't take one all the time (usually at just in her bed) we have used it some. So, I decided to start collecting all the ones I find when I am cleaning and put them in the same place. I began yesterday to put them in a basket. I found 18 yesterday altogether! Yes, 18- and then found 3 in my room last night when I was folding a long overdue pile of clothes. So this morning this basket of pacis has kept Zoe very busy. She is sitting on the floor taking them in and out and tasting certain ones of them (I don't know how she decides which ones to taste). Who needs toys right?! Anyway as my pediatrician assures me that none of my children will go to college with their pacis I will allow them to have them until their mouths think they don't feel right anymore- which is what she said would happen and what happened with Mason. I think I will go round up some toys to throw out! Have a blessed day!!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

bling for boobies




So today I was challenged to ask 10 people to donate to the 3 day- as I post this I have asked 6 and while no one actually put money into my hand I learned many things!
1) God is AWESOME- ok I already knew that but man oh man does he ever reveal himself to me over and over and over: So I go into a children's resale shop to find out the details of dropping off clothes and all the ins and outs of what they need. You see I have tons of clothes and I thought it would be a great way to put money into my 3 Day funds instead of keeping the money for myself. I ran into an old friend of mine and as we began to talk she said she sold jewelry and was looking for an event to do that qualified as a fundraiser- walah! She is going to do a showing at my house within the next few weeks (probably the 15th or 16th) and the proceeds with go to my fundraising efforts! I will serve a big fat dinner to fill our tummies and we will look at pretty pretty jewelry and fellowship and anything sold that night will benefit Team Tiara - I think I will call it "Buffet and Bling for Boobies" of course if you can come up with something even better there might be a little door prize for you! Black out those dates friends- everyone is invited- bring as many as you can and another door prize will be awarded. Christmas is only 79 days away (I think- our friend Lisa might know) This would be an awesome opportunity to buy something for yourself or someone else. Ok
2) I learned that there is a woman out there who is a survivor:
she is the mother of my sweet neighbor Linda. My kids and Linda's kids play together often and we talk all the time and yet because I had never really mentioned what I was doing or why we had never talked about her mother's fight! We have now! Right place at the right time you better believe it - God has a way of doing that doesn't he?!
3) I learned that my right leg was a good inch or so shorter than my left-
ok maybe that is not great but because it was I having a hard time with my right hip, so I went to a chiropractor and wow do I feel better. In the meantime I was able to visit with him about the 3 day and he has daughters and a granddaughter and a wife - he is surrounded by boobies that need to be saved! I will see him next week and his daughter who I used to teach in Jr. High will be bringing her daughter to play with Zoe. God provides another opportunity for me to minister to others via sharing my 3 day experience- I left my card with him in the hopes that if he needs to share it with any of his patients he can!
You see- great day- this afternoon my team mate/ friend / and 3 day tent mate posted a portion of the awesome 3 day video that reminds me why I do what I do- I hope you will see why it is such a passion for me- your prayers are being heard- my training is going great- I'm sure now with my back better it will go even smoother- enjoy the video and pleas share with others if you will.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

3 Day funds

I am sooo excited!!!! With the checks that are in the mail on their way to my 3Day account I have as of today $991.00. That means I only need $1309.00 in order to have the privilege to walk for those who can't! Thank you to all my friends who have helped so far. If you are reading this and you want to help- email me @ kayrenbabcock@yahoo.com and I can help direct you from there!
Have a great day!

Oh yeah by the way- October is breast cancer awareness month and because it is the first why not make the first day of every month starting today- your self check day. Kneed your knockers, check you chi-chis, mind your mammeries, etc...- what cute little saying can you come up with that will help you to remember- I am always looking for a good one : )

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Confession time

I am tired- I am richly blessed but I am tired. Today as I look around my downstairs I realize that it has been less than a week since I picked everything up (again) and yet you could never tell if you walked in my front door. As a matter of fact if you walked in you would probably think... wow what happened in here?! So I am confessing now that my house does not stay picked up and I am tired of picking up day after day after day. I have been home now not working outside the home since the middle of August. During that time I have cleaned out toys, cabinets, and countless tubs of stuff. I have weeded out many clothes as I went through load after load of laundry and yet there is still soooo much here! I know I am soooo blessed but I am at a moment of overwhelming frustration. I have to get this out of my head and out of my system so that I can see through to go at it again. I know I am not the only one in the world with a disorganized chaotic home, but I feel like it. I have been in 3 homes in the last 2 weeks and I wonder- do people actually live in these homes during the day- where is the clutter? Where are the clothes? Where are the toys? Where are the piles of paper work- the hot spots if you will? I know that I am lazy sometimes but really how do you all get it all done? How is it possible that you run from place to place with your kids- music class, the grocery store, play groups, ladies Bible class, and still have time to make things and create things and volunteer at school etc... and still make the house work like it should- I don't get it. As I type this I have heard 2 of the 4 ask for a snack for the 3 time since the school bus got home 3 people have knocked on the door to ask if they can come in and play or if we can come out and play. I am praying for strength. I am praying for wisdom. I am praying for peace in the home. I am praying that some of you out there have homes that look like mine more often than not and that you will tell me and make me feel better : ) My friend Ben Baily is the guest blogger on his wife's blog and the other day he got a letter from his khaki pants. Ok so here is a letter from my house:

Dear Mrs. Babcock,
You have too many children, too many clothes, too many toys, too many cats, too many dishes, too much in your pantry, and I am tired of holding it all in - would you consider please moving? I would be soo much happier - I feel fuller than a stuffed turkey at a big Thanksgiving feast! Oh yeah and while you are at it- will you fix the wall in the master bath that has been messed up for the last 8 of the 10 years you have been here.

Thanks,
Your house

Ok now I will get up from my computer and continue on... in my head I am thinking of the song that Wayne Watson did several years ago called Watercolor Ponies:

"There are water color ponies on my refrigerator door
and the shape of something I don't really recognize
Drawn with careful little fingers
and put proudly on display
a reminder to us all of how time flies.
Seems an endless mound of laundry
and a stair way laced with toys
gives a blow by blow reminder of the war,
that we fight for their well- being
for their greater understanding
to impart a holy reverence for the Lord.
But (Baby) what will we do,
when it comes back to me and you
they look a little less like little boys every day
Oh, the pleasure of watching
the children growing
is mixed with a bitter cup
of knowing the watercolour ponies
will one day ride away
And the vision can get so narrow
as you view through your tiny world
and little victories can go by
with no applause
But in the greater evaluation
as they fly from you nest of love
may they mount up with wings
as eagles for His cause
still I wonder
Baby, what will we do
when it comes back to me and you
they look a little less like little boys every day
oh the pleasure of watching
the children growing
is mixed with a bitter cup
of knowing the watercolour ponies
will one day ride away.
And now I will go pop some popcorn and go outside and eat a snack, play with my children and ignore the fact that my house is not straight- because these 3 little boys and 1 little girl will ride away before I know it!!

PS If I knew how I would have downloaded the song for you guys to listen to but I am challenged... if you type the song into your search engine- you will find it easily and can take a listen

Sunday, September 27, 2009

snuffy

Jaxon was sniffing over and over again as he was walking down the hallway and up the steps:

Me: Jaxon stop please that is annoying
Jaxon: I can't mommy
Me: Well why not what are you doing
Jaxon: I'm trying to get my nose up
Me: ?
Jaxon: It's all snuffy

Poor guy maybe I should get him some snuffy nose medicine : )

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Team Tiara Website

If you would like to know more about my obsession this time of year- our fearless leaders have created a website for our team. You will be able to see how we got started, who our walkers are and the reasons they walk, pics and stuff to give you and idea of what the walk looks like from a walker perspective ie... eating, sleeping etc... I hope you will check it out. I would be remiss if I didn't also mention that I am still looking for donations! I am having a garage sale this weekend with all the proceeds going to fundraising donations and also a drink pink for the cure stand. Come by and have some strawberry lemonade! October is breast cancer awareness month by the way- why not make it a tradition to donate For the Cure?!

www.teamtiara.net

Have a great day!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

You've got mail

If you wanted to send me or my teammates a note while we are walking our 60 miles for breast cancer here is the address. Notes/letters/post cards whatever have to be postmarked by October 23rd, 2009

Send letters to:
Breast Cancer 3-Day Camp Post Office
ATTN: INSERT NAME OF PARTICIPANT
P.O. Box 126496
Benbrook, TX 76126

By the way my name is Kayren Babcock not insert name of participant tee-hee!

Monday, September 21, 2009

is it possible?


Is it possible that this guy is 9 today? My sweet boy is 9 today- Mason is 9. I have been weepy the last 3-4 days and couldn't really pin point the reason. Last night I saw a cd in my collection and realized it is because Mason is growing up so fast. I know it happens but it is hard to watch on the day that God blessed you with your precious baby. When I was pregnant with Mason- Bryan and Lauin Hall introduced me to the Lullaby CD by Acapella. I listened to it over and over and drew inspiration from it as I carried Mason. It was the CD that played in his nursery when he was a baby for at least the first 6 months. I came across it in the car yesterday and it dawned on my how really big he is. He started out sooo little! Just to review his stats- he was 4lbs 13oz and was 183/4 inches long- (he was born on Thursday and on Sunday when they measured him he was 18in long- he was quite the cone head) I will never forget the moment I laid eyes on him. He looked like he had been through a battle. His eyes were bruised and his little face was all swollen, he had a cut on one arm that they said might have been caused from my tailbone. He didn't cry at the very beginning and the room was silent and then his first cry was so tiny but it turned him pink instantly when he let out a little "mwah"- we were overjoyed and instantly in love! Aunt Jenny took some amazing pics and to this day I still cry when I see the one she took of Jeff handing him to me the first time! Thank you Jenn for that pic- I will treasure it always. Mar Mar and Poppy were there two and their faces were priceless! Jeff's face always looks the same when he holds his babies for the first time- it is a mix of gentle amazement and enthusiastic love! It is exactly as I pictured it would be when I fell in love with him and knew he was going to be the father of my children. After 19 days in the nicu- we brought him home and it has been an awesome journey! He is one smart little dude who loves cars, computers, and reading. He has a sense of humor that is quick and dry. I love to look in his enormous almond shaped eyes that are the color of a blue Texas sky and watch them smile when he knows he is up to no good but in a good way! I love the way they look when they tear up because his heart has been touched- and don't get me started on his dimples : ) That boy- he fills my heart and as you can tell I am soooo very thankful to have him. Happy Birthday you precious gift from God!!
Here are 9 things about Mason to honor him on his birthday:

1 He devours books and reads out loud with great expression
2 He can carry on a conversation with adults and is not intimidated just to join right in.
3 He is quick witted and has a great sense of humor
4 Even though he thinks slobber is gross you can see his eyes and heart melt when Zoe kisses him
5 He loves to go clothes and she shopping (just like his father)
6 He has a very sensitive heart
7 When he is upset with me- we can talk about it, cry about it and then we have a good laugh
8 He cares about the injustices in the world and is starting to ask questions about them and wondering how he can help with them
9 He still asks me to snuggle with him at night before he falls asleep (ok just every once in a while but I will take whatever I can get for as long as he will let me)
I love you, Mason!

Saturday, September 19, 2009

acoma

*while watching the movie Bodyguard on Saturday morning- while folding clothes*

Cooper: Mom, what just happened
Me: The man with the camera has a gun
Cooper: You can't have a gun in a camera
Me: I know - remember things that happen on movies are just for us to see even though they aren't real.
Cooper: oh the man that was protecting her got shot
Me: yep
Cooper: Well people who get shot "run into acomas" that means they go to sleep
Me: How did you know that
Cooper: I know lots of things I'm in 1st grade you know
Oh what a guy!

Friday, September 18, 2009

What is in your jeans?

So tonight we were able to go see the Regan vs. Churchill football game. We had a great time and had some great seats. We were the guests of our friends Jeff and Brenda Peak. Coach Jeff is coaching for Churchill and he and Brenda and their kids play a very important role in our lives and the lives of our kids. It was such a close game and we were sorry it couldn't put a W in the books for Churchill. However, a great time was had by all and let me tell you a large laugh was had by all as well. Here's how it all played out... I got all the kids dressed and had Jaxon in a pair of jeans that were a little to big but he is in an in between size and it was the best I could do. While we were waiting on Jeff to get home, Jaxon was playing on the computer and I noticed that he had his jeans down around his ankles for some reason. So I went over and stood him up and pulled up his jeans and went about my way getting everything ready. When we got to the game and I pulled him out of the car I noticed he was walking funny. I asked if his shoe was on funny and he said no. He mumbled something but I didn't understand what he said so I just ignored it and we went on. When we got into the stadium and met up with Brenda she asked if he needed to go to the bathroom because he was walking funny and I said no that his jeans were too big and we went on up to our seats. On the way up though he stumbled several times and she finally picked him up and carried him the rest of the way and noted how heavy he seemed. Ok so we are about midway through the 2nd quarter when he goes over to sit in Brenda's lap and his feet are close to me and I hear her say, "Jaxon what is in your jeans?" I look over and down by his shoe stuck in the bottom of his jeans was something that I thought was his toy from his kids meal he had eaten on the way to the game. I know by now you are dying to know what it is aren't you? Ok so I reach in and start laughing because the boy had a juice glass in his jeans. Yes, you read that right. Sometimes you might refer to them as a high ball- but it was a lead crystal short thick round glass between his leg and the side of his jeans. We could not stop laughing and he was just grinning from ear to ear. When I put him to bed I finally got a clear picture of what had happened. As he was playing on the computer, he was standing and his pants had fallen down to his ankles because they were too big. He knocked the glass off of the computer table and somehow it landed in his jeans. When I saw him he was playing with his jeans but I thought he was just trying to pull them up. He tried to tell me twice but I didn't understand what he was talking about. Tooo Funny that boy- I think I will check his jeans next time!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

not monday and not raining

It is not Monday and it is not raining so why am I crying this morning. I am crying because between yesterday and this morning my children are growing up before my eyes. Yesterday I took Mason and Zoe in for checkups. Mason for his 9 year old and Zoe for her 15 mos old. Zoe is doing great and is right on target for her development- as a matter of fact due to her size and development you might never know she was a preemie. Mason my little 4 lb 13 oz baby boy has reached the 75-100% of both height and weight. This is the first time that he has been out of the 30th and below at a checkup. He of course was a little embarrassed to get down to his skives but he took it well and our Dr. has an awesome way of talking to him and still teaching at the same time. He learned that the vice pres is Joe Biden and that if his spinal cord were to re- tether itself he would develop scoliosis very quickly as a sign. He got one booster shot and never cried. He did cry when Zoe got her shots which was very very sweet. I looked at that little face which to me has not changed and asked myself where time had gone. Then this morning Cooper insisted that he walk to the bus with Mason. We have been letting Mason walk to the bus but usually with Jeff close on his heels in the car following him (with Cooper) to make sure he is safe. This morning Jeff wasn't quite ready to go so I walked down to the first stop sign a few steps behind Mason (you can see the front gate from there) and I don't think Mason even knew I was there. When I turned to look to see if Jeff was coming in his car I saw Cooper running as if he were Forrest Gump : ) He was shouting, "did I miss it"? I told him know and he just kept running right past me. About 10 steps away he shouted, "bye mom!" I responded with a bye son I love you and as he disappeared around the corner he shouted in a voice that was fading, "I love you too!" Oh my heart- I could still smell him for he insists on using deodorant and cologne every morning, but the fact that he was so big as to run for the school bus but still little enough to not be embarrassed to shout out that he loved me ripped at my heart. My little Coopie Doopie is just getting so big! He also read most of a book to me so I know that light is almost on when it comes to his reading development. He was sooo very tiny for soooo long and now is just so big to me- what is a mommy to do but cry a bit, blog a bit and then thank God for her precious babies who are developing just as they should! Go hug some kids today and thank God for them.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

woosed toof

Jaxon: Mommy mommy wook at my toof it's woosed (loose)
Me: It is
Jaxon: yes I wost it on da couch- can I git a dolwer (dollar)

Oh he is just squishy cute to me some days!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Quiet time in the laundry room

No, I didn't lock anyone in there- I have begun to lock myself in there. The laundry room is a quiet place filled with white noise. In there I am close enough to hear what is going on in the house in case anyone tries to kill anyone else ( boys will be boys after all)- or in case someone gets hurt etc... yet I am surrounded by enough white noise to drown out the kid noise, tv, or computer. I have started to use it as a place to carry on conversations with God during the day. I need time with God alone without distractions to allow the Holy Spirit to fill me so that I can hear what God wants me to do when, where, and how. Notice I left out the why- I have decided that it doesn't matter why- The laundry room reminds me of the blessings in my life. It has a ceiling and doors (shelter). It has clothes (we are not naked). We have food (stains on our clothes). There are cleaning supplies ( we are healthy - we can lysol the germs away when needed). We have electricity (which reminds me that the bills are paid because God has given Jeff multiple blessings through his job). Where is your quiet place? Do you have one? If not- you should find a place for you! God Bless!

Friday, September 11, 2009

When the phone rings...

When the phone rings and the caller ID reads that it is the school calling, I always catch my breath in my throat. Ok... who is sick, who had a meltdown, who bit someone, who messed in their pants and need new clothes etc... well it happened today- the phone rang. When I said hello there was a very cheery voice on the other line who asked if this was Mrs. Babcock. (after 12 years I still love being called that) Anyway turns out it was Mr. Owens one of the 2 AP's at the elementary school where Mason and Cooper go. He was calling to read to me a note that Mason's teacher had written to him re: Mason and how pleased she was to have him in her class. What a wonderful surprise! The note said that she loved how organized he was and how he always tried his best and neat his writing was etc... then he put Mason on the phone. You could hear his pleased embarrassment in his voice. I could hardly tell him how proud I was to get a phone call like this. I could hardly tell him how much I loved him. My throat had a lump the size of a small apple (no pun intended) and my eyes were full of tears. From a 4 lb 13 oz little pip squeak to an organized hard working almost 9 year old- wow! God has richly blessed me with Mason!!!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Rain!

After weeks of 100+temps and no rain, it is wonderful to hear, see, and smell the rain today! God answers prayers in His own time in His own way and this morning could not have been more perfect! Many prayers of thanks, God!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

"Rock" Obama

In our house we call Mr. Obama - Rock Obama because during the election that is what Cooper called him- that is what he understood his name to be. Today, I felt he lived up to that name- Mr. Obama you rocked that speech- thank you for encouraging our children about their responsibilities in school. Thank you for reminding them that they have a job to do and must do it to the best of their ability. Thank you for focusing on our children in their world as it is and nothing else. As a former cheerleader there is nothing I love more than a good old pep talk- great speech Mr. President - great speech!

I am on my soap box today to say that regardless of what he says or does we must teach our children to respect the leader in charge- teacher, parent, grandparent, or president- the respect must be there. I am bitterly disappointed that so many chose to fight, whine, gripe, and moan about the president speaking to our kids. I am disappointed that we have forgotten that Scripture tells us how we must view our leaders and yet there are those out there who were willing to censor this speech. Did we do that the last two times there was an address to the students from Commander in Chief- I don't remember because I wasn't a parent then but maybe I don't remember the anger that filled the air of the thought of someone speaking to our kids. I actually remember hearing one individual think that in that short of an address that he was going to try and brainwash our children. WOW have we just gone completely ignorant. No, I don't agree with what he wants to do with healthcare - but then I don't know his full plan- but I do know that he is trying to address what he thinks is important and in 4 years there will be someone else who is trying to do the same thing and are we going to freak out everytime and create a nation of panicking adults or are we going to teach our children to trust God that he is in control. Hug your kids and let them watch the speech - they will be pumped to stay in school and do their very best and there is nothing black/white- republican/democratic - socialist/communist/free etc... about it- breathe people - be still and know that God is still in control! "Rock", thanks again- great job today!

Ok I'm off my soapbox- feel free to leave a comment : )

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Football

Fooseball is not frrm de debil! I love the first saturday of college football and today my son Mason with his sweet excited smile stood up and gave the first down signal when Notre Dame got their first one of the season. That's my boy!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Power of Prayer

I'm taking a break from posting about the antics that occur in our family to ask you to pray today.
I have a friend from high school who is having surgery for breast cancer today. She is 39 year old wife and mother to 3 small children. Because I believe in the power of prayer please lift up Lissa in your prayers today. This could be any one of you who read my blog- please stop and ask God for healing for Lissa and for Him to be glorified in this situation. Thanks so much!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Crying tears of joy

Lunch today was one of the best that I have had in a long time! It is difficult on Sunday to have a quiet peaceful lunch after church with the 3 boys and Zoe. Peaceful meals are few and far between period but today was awesome. It was not because the behavior of our children was impeccable. Far from it at times actually. I had forgotten to give Cooper his meds so he never sat down more than 30 sec. at a time. Not to mention the times he was sitting he was bouncing off and on my side the whole time. Jaxon was squirming around on the seat, sometimes lying down looking up at the ceiling, sometimes under the table. Mason talked nonstop and wanted to play I Spy the whole time and Zoe must have shouted for more at least 100 times and dropped her bottle on the ground at least 50. All in all if you picture a family of 6 where 4 of them are 8,6,3, and 1- you might see in your head utter chaos! But within that were moments of sharing, laughing, loving and mommy crying tears of joy. We went to a restaurant that allowed Jeff and I to get 3 courses and the children colored pictures to hang up in that restaurant if we donated to one of my favorite charities. I was able to tell them about St. Judes and how they help children and none of the families have to pay because people give to the hospital to help. They listened, asked questions, made comments, and colored while we waited for our food. The food came, we ate, we talked they wiggled and talked and then came chocolate cake for dessert. Jaxon took the first bite not waiting for anyone else and certainly not asking for permission. His eyes were huge when they set it on the table and he grinned from ear to ear as he dove in. He closed his eyes for a moment, raised his shoulders up and said,"mmmmm, das good!" I took a few bites and talked to him about the hard chocolate crunch on top of the ice cream. Jeff and Cooper came back to the table from a potty break. They were both excited to see what was on the table and Cooper was extra excited to say that he had seen "crack man in the potty and he was really very nice." Crack man was the man we had seen as we entered the restaurant whose shirt was a little on the short side, and his waistband was a little on the low side to reveal to the boys the crack that the good Lord had given him. I counseled them as we passed not to speak for they were already laughing sooo very hard in the parking lot. But I digress... anyhoo Cooper took a bite of the cake. He too closed his eyes and said, "oh that is soo good!" We agreed and took a few more bites. Then I looked over to the cutest, sweetest thing. Cooper filled his spoon and gave Zoe (who had been sitting quietly) a big bite. Oh that sweet precious baby smiled sooo big- as if to say,"dat is dee best ting I have eber tasted bruder tank you for sharing!" He then proceeded to take turns taking a bite and giving her a bite and they both just smiled and laughed and ate. It was sooo very sweet and precious and I cried and cried tears of joy to see that boy's heart filled with a spirit of giving because his heart and soul (and in this case mouth) were filled with goodness in the form of Chocolate cake. Cooper looked and asked why I was crying and I told him it was because mommy's heart was filled with joy to see him know that something was so good that he wanted to share it with his sister and how that made mommy and God so very happy. In the meantime Jaxon was continuing to eat a few bites but had found the picture of another yummy looking dessert on the menu. He told us to keep eating all of what was on the table and then to get dat one too. I lost it again. His face looked so sweet and it was too cute that he wanted even more of the chocolate goodness that the menu had to offer. We all left the restaurant with our bellies and spirits filled. I am thankful to God for such an amazing moment in our lives!!!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

yeah, thanks but no thanks

Kids hearts are just so naturally sweet (most of the time) and Jaxon showed a big heart tonight! I did my first short but fast training walk tonight. I had Jeff drop me off 4 miles from the house and my goal was to make it back in an hour to keep up with the pace that I want to be able to walk in the Breast Cancer 3Day in November. Cooper and Jaxon rode with us to drop me off and they all wished me well as they drove away. As I was walking down our street at the end of the walk- I noticed that Jeff and Jaxon were waiting on the front porch for me. Jaxon ran down the driveway and jumped into my arms and said, "I missed you soo good and you look bootiful" My heart melted. It was great to walk up to both of them smiling so. I walked straight into the house and into the bathroom and Jaxon followed me. He said, "mommy did you miss me so much because I missed you and your cancer." I told him that I missed him all to pieces and reminded him that I don't have cancer but I am walking so that hopefully there will be no more breast cancer when he gets big. He said, "oh thank you mommy." Now, while we were talking he was playing with the toilet paper as he always does when he is in the bathroom (even though I try to push him out and ask for privacy the majority of the time he was just so happy to see me). I figured most of the time he is out so I'll let him keep talking. I should have stuck to my guns however and insisted on my privacy because he unrolled a big piece of toilet paper and said, "do you want me to wipe your bottom for you?" Yeah, thanks but no thanks. I tried very hard not to laugh since his face was so very serious and he was being so sweet. I responded with a, "no thank you, I think I can handle it on my own." Bless his sweet heart.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

To the...

man from the Oil Change place: Thank you for jump starting my van in the mid day heat- my two little ones and I are very grateful for you!

man at Wally World waiting on my parking place: Sorry I didn't know anyone was waiting. I didn't see you and because I had my windows down I needed to put my hair up so it wouldn't blow in my face. There was a good song on the radio and that is why I was singing to myself in the mirror too : )

man behind me when the light turned yellow: I don't run yellow lights - that's how I got my last ticket- calm down dude no need to point that finger and honk your horn I might have saved your life ; )

and finally

Lady walking this evening wearing the Breast Cancer 3Day shirt: GO WALKER!!!!!!!

Butterflies on the Bus

My children are so very funny in the morning- On the first day of school they were hearing nothing of us taking them to school - they must ride the bus. Now mind you the school is a half mile from our front door. But because it is uphill and there are no connecting sidewalks, we have a bus that picks up at our front gate. This is when the social butterflies have their fun time. Never mind that they can't get out of their seats and they pretty much have assigned seating. Nevermind that the bus picks up at 7:03 and they could sleep at least 10 minutes more. They HAVE to ride the bus!!! (Those are their words not mine.) This morning Mason came downstairs at 6:24 fully dressed with shoes and socks on and asked, "did we miss the bus?" Silly boy! I guess I should be thankful that they are not screaming about going to school and they want to go! But they are too funny panicking that they might have missed the bus. Speaking of going to school, the boys both came home from school very happy yesterday. Mason's exact words were, "my teacher is sooo nice!" Cooper said, "there were some 'hot' girls in his class!" Ok where did he learn that, I don't know but I reminded him that he needs to not say that out loud in front of girls because it could be considered disrespectful. He just smiled and said, "well they were hot and I like girls!" Good to know buddy, good to know. So for now on the second day of school the social butterflies caught their bus and are on their way to look at the hot girls at school. Oye! I am in T-R-O-U-B-L-E!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Let the walking begin

Many of you have heard me talk about my experience with walking in the Breast Cancer 3Day- well I am doing it again this year and I am getting more and more excited as the time draws closer! I need to know if any of you who follow my blog would like for me to walk for any of you friends, family members or for you during my walk? If you will let me know I will be writing the names of those I am walking for on my tent this year. I will be praying for them as I walk ( you can't listen to music or anything it isn't safe so there is a lot of quiet prayer time). I ask that you pray for me as I begin some bigger/longer training walks this week and over the next few weekends. This is a cause that is so very near and dear to my heart and I am very excited to have the opportunity to participate in it again this year. If you would like more information about what I do feel free to ask - I would love to share!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Independence

Independence reared it's ugly head today in the form of a little boy who refused to hold his mommy's hand as we went to meet the teacher night. : ( I know, I know we pray for them to grow and learn blah, blah, blah... But I thought of all nights meet the teacher night -Cooper would need just a little mommy touch as he felt a little uneasy- nope not a bit! He saw a little boy that was in his class last year in the parking lot and pointed him out. That little boy was holding both his mom and his dad's hand - Cooper had his hands in his pockets and was talking non stop about all kinds of things. I put my hand out and was denied. I said, "are you nervous at all?" His response, "nah what for I went to Kinder here so it's no big deal." What a guy! He then proceeded to tell me about this girl that asked him every day if they could get married and he said it was very annoying. He said girls were completely annoying because all they ever want to do is buy clothes and look good- oh really mr. can I have this that and the other as we shopped for school clothes. The boy got a jean jacket from the G*P the other day (it was the first thing he picked out in the store) 100 degrees outside but he wants a jean jacket because he would "look good" in it. His words not mine. He walked right in to the classroom, shook hands with the teacher and proceeded to play with a little boy that was in his class last year. When we went to the cafeteria to put some money in his food account the cafeteria ladies remembered him as the kid who kept giving his bus number instead of his cafeteria number. He just gave him a little sideways grin and said, "well they gave me food." Looks like it is gonna be a great year!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Not bad at all

School shopping was not bad at all! I thought it would be tough shopping with four, but my Mother in Law had done some pre-shopping and price comparisons and we were able to get in done by just going to three stores. She had an awesome 20% of complete purchase from The G*P and their tee- shirts were buy one get one free (cha ching). After lunch and a stop at Gymb*ree's sale rack for another 20% of purchase we are clothed and ready to start school. We had a lovely lunch in the mall food court and it was a lot of fun to watch Jaxon be amazed at the stuff in the mall. It is obvious I don't shop much or go to the mall for that matter - he had no idea what to do with himself or what to look at. It was funny! My mother in law can shop I tell you and I was all out of breath by the time we were done. We all had a good time and I am very grateful to the Babcock's for their generosity! 1st and 3rd grade... bring it on!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Obsess Much?!

If you've seen Ace Venture Pet Detective then you can hear how he says, "Obsess Much?!" when he goes to the house of Ray Finkel- the kicker that missed the super bowl field goal (ok a movie that I have seen many many times : ) Anywhoo- I digress- Cooper has been on medication for 4 days now and here is what I have noticed... He is very obsessed with organizing things. He has said several times that he needed to "clean up the toy room" and I have found him lining up the trains and cars in their containers. He has asked to clean up the laundry room and pick up his clothes. It is like his eyes are suddenly open to what is going on around the house. But he is most obsessed with lining up the trains and cars again. Meltdowns.... we had one today but it didn't last long and he went straight to his room on his own. Eating... so far so good although I have noticed a desire to drink more that eat. Oh and he is drawing a lot again. He had stopped for a while but now is drawing and coloring again. These are just some of the observations I have noticed. We will see how this week goes with getting ready for school to begin.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

ADHD

Usually I post on things going on around our Babcock world and they tend to have a bit of humor in them. Today, however, I am asking for your prayers as we begin a journey that many have traveled, but it is new to us. Several years ago we started Occupational Therapy with Cooper and a wonderful friend Mrs. Robbie Dunn. She has done wonders with Cooper and with us regarding some of the special needs that Cooper has. In the beginning I was learning about Cooper and why he was so driven in everything he did. If it was something he liked he strove for perfection. If it was something he disliked, he disliked it with enormous amounts of passion. When he was forced to do something he disliked, or when he made a mistake on something while striving for perfection, he would meltdown. I don't mean just throw a fit- we are talking 30-45 min of wailing, screaming, crying, stomping, running, hiding, destructive behavior that was hard to deal with much less understand. Since seeing Mrs. Robbie, most of the time he is able to tell us what he needs in order to not meltdown and stay in balance. He is a textbook case for Sensory Integration Disorder. After learning more and more about it, I have learned that the apple doesn't fall far from this tree. (me) We recently had him tested by an educational psychologist to see what the realms of his issues were. Those results showed that he also suffers from ADHD. As a teacher, I had many students who struggled with adhd but having one of my own was not what I was prepared for. Now we come to the question of what to do. We are not opposed to medication. If he had a problem with his heart and medication were the best route -he would get it. If he had kidney problems the same thing. As Dr. Chappell explained to us those who suffer from adhd do not have the same amount of neurotransmitters that non adhd children have in order to stay focused. So the medication helps with that. Still we know that things in the house will have to change as well. A steady routine is crucial. Sleep is crucial. I guess what we need is the support of our friends and family as we help Cooper learn to cope with his diagnosis. We want him to be comfortable and well informed enough to be able to talk about it and at the same time we don't want him to use it as a crutch. We want him to feel loved and wanted as he always has been. We covet your prayers and ask that you pray for strength and wisdom for all who are involved. We know that God chose us to be parents to Cooper and I wouldn't trade that for anything in this world. We are thankful that he is our Cooper!