Thursday, December 3, 2009

Fat and Healthy (or should it be happy?)

Note to my blog readers: As with my life, I feel like this blog is my way of showing that in no way am I perfect and my life can be used to help others feel like they are not alone- with that in mind- I give you the report of yesterday's well check up for me and how I feel about it.

After being under the care of an OB/GYN since 99 I decided that it was time to go to a "big girl doctor" if you will for an overall checkup and begin being under the care of that doctor. I don't get sick very often and when I do I have just been going to a walk in clinic close to my house. If I was pregnant or nursing I would just call my OB and he would take care of any meds that I needed. Since I am done with the whole "having kids" thing- It was time to establish myself in the care of an internal meds dr. So last week I had my blood work done and yesterday went in for an overall checkup. I had seen a few months ago (while watching one of the morning news shows) that while there are overweight people all over the place- just because one is overweight does not mean that one is necessarily unhealthy. Case in point- my labs were great- blood pressure- great, cholesterol-great, hormones-great-(in fact he could tell that I was about to "drop an egg" -his words not mine- so Jeff will be far far far away from me for a few days-thank you)-heart rate-great. As a matter of fact overall I am way healthy- the only thing was when I stepped on the scales I had never ever ever ever seen it go up that high! I looked at the nurse with what must have been a wide eyed crazed look and said in a very loud voice "there is no way this could be right!?" She responded with a -well, I know others have said that they were a little heavy but not more than a few pounds- she said when you weigh at home aren't you usually naked or close to it? Umm no, I don't have scales here at home- I choose not to weigh and go by how my clothes were fitting. The last time I weighed was in Oct. at the gym before my 60 mile walk and I weighed the same that I did for the last 8 months or so. But this stupid, yucky, stinky dr scale said I weighed almost 200 pounds!!!! Yes you read that right and I am not going to beat around the bush about it- 200 friends- on a 5'4" frame. The most I weighed at my biggest pregnancy was 179- of course I threw up so much that I weighed less after delivery then I did before getting preggers but that's a whole other post. So there I stood bewildered and then I wanted to slap the words right out of the air and back into her mouth when she said, "that qualifies you for medicational weight loss help"- ie you are obese want some meds for that fat girl- I mean really- when did I become obese and why am I 40 years old and just took my first pill for weight loss?! I did I took the fat girl Rx and had it filled and took my first one this morning. How did it go down (the conversation and the decision to take the Rx)- well basically I have cut way back on eating fast foods, cut way back on sodas and have been eating salads and home cooked meals for several months now (ok 2) but I was also exercising and getting ready to walk the breast cancer 3 day. So how does many miles of walking, water, and better eating not translate into weight loss- stress combined with sludge like metabolism that is how. Apparently I am one of the lucky ones who's metabolic rate has slowed down to a sludge like rate in order to protect my ability to perform day to day life without losing my mind. Hmmmm really? I mean seriously - really? So this medicine basically works like speed for your metabolic rate and everyone loses weight on it- everyone he said- is it safe? If taken correctly and under a dr. care yes- I have read up on it- I will continue with my better eating and all but it is actually one that works with my cymblata too. So I am basically a large, crazy person who's meds are working together to give me an energy boost so that I can spend better quality time with my family and friends. We will see! Last night I spent a good bit of the evening battling with the God side of it all- If I am healthy (and I am) and if God made me - then why am I trying to change it? For the good of what others want to see- I mean I have many many skinny friends - and don't even get me started on my in laws (Babcocks are not known for their girth) so I am the largest in the Babcock family! How does one learn to be happy with who one is/ with what God created when everyone around you is smaller than you- and is putting a chemical in your body- to stimulate your brain to make you a better person mocking God- I mean I don't question the Cymbalta (anti-depressant that I really must have) and we give Cooper adhd meds because he is wired chemically different as well. But is it the right thing to do? All in all I had a hard time sleeping last night thinking about it and wondering if God would be pleased that I am trying to take better care of myself or does he get frustrated with our lack of self esteem and comparing ourselves to others. Just some thoughts- I know long thoughts but thoughts nevertheless. I find myself repeating this morning in my head "stupid scales, stupid 40, stupid fat girl meds" and yet laughing that my overall health was awesome! I guess we are really fearfully and wonderfully made right?!


kristin said...

this post almost leaves me with nothing to say. you are a wonderful person with such a great attitude about everything. overweight or not, you have a heart of gold and i think all God wants from you is to continue to love others the way you already do, and of course to take care of yourself! :) i love you and i love reading your blogs. they almost always leave a smile on my face!

Jill said...

i am glad you are healthy, no matter your weight :) i certainly don't know what God thinks...but i am guessing he wants us to be the best we can be physically and mentally-and it sounds like you are doing just that!!

Tamra said...

I don't think it's any secret I've been "a few pounds too heavy" for a number of years. But my general health has been better than ever. Go figure. I think motivation/intent in using the pills is probably most important (after determining they're safe), and might clue you in as to what God would have you do. Love you, friend!

Chera said...

Sweet Kayren, I love you just the way you are!! I think if the pills help you to function better and be more healthy then that is what God wants for you.

By the way, your title made me laugh outloud because that is what Ricky always says..."I'm fat because I'm happy!" :o)