Friday, February 26, 2010

"Bipolar Blogging"

Ok so this idea isn't new I read it on someone else's blog the other day and it totally pegged me. I don't even remember whose blog it was on so that I could go back to it and read it and thank them for the post... maybe I commented on it but I didn't bookmark it so I can't go back and read the blog again which of course is frustrating to me. But I digress... I was thinking about the many thoughts that I think "ooh I should blog about that" that run through my brain during the day. Today I thought of a few things... Cloth diapers, why can't I sew, I think I might be a hoarder, what can I do to make my husband's day today and each and every day (that came from the New Beginnings workshop that we went to last year and I saw a paper from it today while clearing out some papers), music that takes me back to times when my self-esteem was higher, the Susan G Komen Breast Cancer 3 Day... whew I am tired... my brain hurts. Are there others of you who think about that many things in one day along with the ordinary day to day stuff of laundry, toys, dishes, food, diapers etc... Am I the only one who balances that many thoughts? If I am maybe there is more wrong with me than I thought and I might need some professional help. Seriously, is this what they call bipolar on the upswing? Anyhoo, it always helps me to get these thoughts out and the other day someone told me I was a deep thinker- not the first time and yes, I know that I am- I am happy to have a way to think out loud and touch the lives of others as I do so. So I guess to the blogger creator- thank you! To those who follow me on this blog- the above list will be in some of the upcoming posts- I know you will stay tuned. Until then I wanted to let you know that I will be teaching a class on Tuesday of next week (March 2nd) on God's love. Easy topic right?! Not so much especially when I consider that in order to truly love God I have to love myself- yikes- I don't at all. I mean really I don't. I think I have some serious issues to deal with and if I have to deal with them I am going to have to wrap my brain around how God feels about me. I am reaching deep down into my soul on a daily basis trying to find this lesson. Who knows I may just stand there and say nothing except God loves you, the end. Rest assured as I piece this lesson together I will have more to get out of my bipolar head- btw- if there is anyone out there that is diagnosed bipolar this post is not meant to offend (I really do think I might be able to relate). No judgements just one of God's children marching to the beat of my own drum! Have a blessed day!


JulieC said...

God loves you and I love you my friend. It is hard to see why for ourselves, but God made us and God made you special in His eyes, even with our little 'quirks'. You are a special friend to me and the fam...we love you greatly!!!!

Josh, Kristin, Ethan and Isaiah said...

Kayren, I can't explain things to others as well as I think I do in my head, but I will try. First off, I think we are very simular, in many ways that I won't get into now, but what struck me was how MANY things you talked about today in your lesson convicted me. I don't know if you noticed but I was practically crying the whole time. I cry very easily anyway, but when my heart is being spoken to the way it was today I just couldn't contain it (I am crying as I write this too! UGGG!!!) Anyway, I have recently concluded (in the past year or so) and with raising two boys that I am an unnecessary yeller. I aboslutely hate that about myself! I know that some of it was learned from my childhood but everything we do is a choice. I am I guess relieved to know that there are others who struggle with the same things I do and want SO badly to change it. Its so frustrating when I find myself doing the same thing over and over in regard to how much I want to change that about me! I also have a problem with anger (also somewhat learned from childhood but never will I place the blame on that). It comes from me and me only. What hurts the most is seeing it in my oldest. I have a huge fear that alot of what my boys will remember when looking back on their childhood was how much I yelled and got angry at the DUMBEST things. That certainly isn't showing God's love to them. Talking about God's love today was absolutely perfect for me. I know that God is love but I'm not sure I have completely grasped God's love for me. I know it in my heart but just like you said in your post, I can't love God completely until I love myself. Thank you so much for many things you talked about rang true to my life and I am positive that the Spirt wanted me to be at class today to hear your lesson. I loved when you talked about washing myself with something...I know exactly where you are coming from with praising God with song. That speaks to me the most too! I love your idea of going into the car and listening to music to get me back on track for the day! I can't wait to do that! Thank you again for your lesson today, I know it wasn't you but God, but you were chosen to reveal his words to us maybe because you needed it but I like to think he also chose you because he knew the way you would deliever the message was in a way I could most relate to. I hope you have a blessed week, and I will be praying for you, your marriage and your kids. Please pray for me too as I struggle with my issues!
In Him,
Kristin Zimmer

Don and Lisa Osborn said...

You ARE a deep thinker and have A LOT to balance externally and internally. I know these are the easy days for me with only one and feel like the surge protector in my brain is about to short circuit at times.

I have no doubt you did a wonderful job delivering an important message to the ladies in your LBC. I hope you touched many people and learned some things in the process.

You were a winner of my RAK Random Fact giveaway!


Jaime said...

I hope your lesson went well on Tuesday. I just got your comment on syrup and I had to come and say that there is absolutely nothing worse than a kid's backpack smelling of cigarette smoke OR syrup...NAstY!! Those two smells just seem to linger on kiddos.

Love ya!