Monday, February 1, 2010

What's on my mind

I have logged on several times to update my blog over the last few days, but the words don't come to me. I have so many things in my head that I don't know where to start. I am in a fight my dear friends. I am in a fight with Satan. I have never really thought of how he really does march around earth looking for those he can devour but he does. He is trying to devour my marriage, my children (via parenting skills etc...) and he is working hard on us. But I have decided this time no matter how hard he tries, I will not let him in. Yesterday for example- Jeff took Mason yesterday morning as he has the last 3 weeks to spend some bonding time with him. The two of them have struggled with "understanding" each other for the last 6 mos or so. Not hard to understand why- they are cut from very similar molds ; ) Anyway, I took the other 3 to church where I dropped them off into their classes, taught the cradle roll (we had 11 babies), went to second service where I was the interpreter for the lesson, picked everyone up (thanks to my friend Dena for bringing the younger two halfway and then helping me to my car), took them to lunch, (we did the Jason's D*eli Sunday lunch dance- lots of people and my 3 were not overly well behaved although not too bad), and got ready to come home for naps when I remembered that I had not gotten all the stuff that I needed for the guacamole that I had volunteered to take to small group at 5:30. It was naptime, I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was come home and get in out of the cold and under the covers and snuggle with the kids who wanted to nap. My mind began to run through a list of excuses that I could use when I called to excuse myself from small group. After all Jeff had to go to work and I really needed to hurry and get home so he could leave. That would leave me with all 4 to take by myself to small group and I was feeling weary as each thought ran through my head. Oh the power of Satan on weary mommies! I have been working soo hard on bathing myself in the love and wonder of Jesus Christ and our Father. I am really trying to draw closer to Him and delve deep into an intimate relationship to the One who gives me strength. I told the 3 that were in the car with me that Mommy was going to listen to some of her songs... in order to do that at this time of the day... I turned on a movie for them- and put the speakers up front only. I picked up the first CD that was within reach and out of the many, many CD's to pick up I picked up Natalie Grant's Relentless. Oh the power of God over Satan- I said out loud, "not today, you will not get me today" - on the way to the grocery store I listened to "Make a Way" - God will make a way for me today- I drank the words in like a weary nomad in the desert. It worked! I went to the grocery store, praying for peace with the children and got what I needed without a hitch. As a matter of fact I stepped into the line and within two minutes of waiting a new line opened up right beside me and they asked me to go ahead and move over to check out. I whispered a loud "thank you God" ! We came home, changed diapers, put children down for nap and rest time. Warm, full of food, happy! I had set the alarm to go off in time for us to get ready, make the guacamole and get to small group on time. Satan starts working on me again. I had read the clock incorrectly- or messed it up while setting the alarm or something, Instead of 4:25 it was 5:25 when I came down to put the guac together. For a split second my mind said, "well forget it". Then I thought, no way I am not going to let you win- you have been working on me all day and you will not win! I love the conversations that go on in my head- I was of course speaking to Satan. So, I put all the stuff in a bag, got all the kids pulled together and got everyone in the car... called the place we were headed to and said we were on our way but running late. 4 kids-check, clothes and shoes-check, seatbelts-check (by the way I am performing this mental checklist as I am driving down the road to our destination) stuff for guac- check, gas- oye light on, not a problem there is a little place up the road and I will just put a little in, short stop no big deal, oh bank card- on the dresser- no room left on credit card (maybe a little) too bad Satan - can't win that one either- I had enough for $2 which was all I needed. I went to small group- was blessed by the fellowship and got home to Jeff safe and sound! I know this is a long post and I really appreciate that you guys are still with me. I just need to let others know that they are not alone in their struggle with the day to day pressures that weigh each of us down and allow Satan to get a foothold. I want each of you to know that I am praying for you as a mother/women that we will use our broken moments to gain a more intimate relationship with God who is the perfect provider of strength! May each of you be blessed as you walk through your day! As Natalie Grant sings "sometimes the sun stays hidden for years and the rain falls for days- but our hope endures- let the earth quake- our hope is unchanged!!!- Love to all of you-


Paige said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog. I enjoy meeting the people who are reading it! Your last post is very powerful. But you know that Satan will try his hardest to keep a hold of you in anyway that he can and when you are working hard to draw closer to God, he is going to do everything in his power to keep you down. Keep going. God always wins, just lean on him. Mothering 4 kids is difficult and exhausting. Money struggles are draining. Church demands are fulfilling but draining as well. You are not alone!

Julie said...

Thanks for sharing your struggles. It really does help! And you are winning the battle--again, and again, and again!

Josh, Kristin, Ethan and Isaiah said...

I absolutely love this post! It speaks to me so much...although I am not quite to the place where you are in terms of saying no to Satan. I'm working on it, day in and day out. Its very refreshing to read what is actually on my heart...coming from someplace else! It helps me to again realize that I am not alone. Bless you!