Thursday, March 5, 2009
Where have I been?
Do you want the long or the short version? Short version- I have been wrapped up in myself.- Not in a selfish way - or at least not trying to be - but more of an introspective way. I've been trying to figure out the whys and whats in my life. I have spent a great deal of time with Jaxon and Zoe just playing with them during the day and not really paying a great deal of attention to the rest of the stay at home mommy stuff. I have been working on the days that I am not a SAHM. When the boys get home from school I have been spending time with them outside or just being around them. On the weekends, I do some domestic things when we haven't been sick or traveling. But mostly just thinking about what I am doing with me and am I doing the right things for me and my family. Jeff and I have been struggling with our relationship. Not in the sense that divorce looms in our future but in the sense that we are roommates trying to wade through the business of life and how we can best assist our children to live, learn and grow with peace in their hearts. I have always been aware of how richly blessed I am but during this time of introspection, I have become more acutely aware of how far I had become invested in the "do I have the right clothes, hair, car, etc for me. For my children are they dressed in a way that others will look at them and go "oh how cute" - a sort of "keeping up with the Jones' investment. That is not me at all- I have never cared one way or the other about that sort of thing and I think I lost myself somewhere in all of that mentality. We are worshipping as a family elsewhere and have come closer to feeling together as a couple than we have in years. I like it! I hope to never fall in as deep of a hole as I have in the last 8 or so years and I hope I can use this time of introspection to be conscience of others who might have found themselves in the same hole. I would like to be able to use my life as I have always tried to as an open testimony that while life is not always picture perfect we are richly blessed and all of our sins have been covered already!! May you have a fantastically blessed and peaceful day!